Questions

Hello to you all! Today I would like to share a few things I have on my mind. Here they come 🙂

This is usually one of those topics you find a lot of different answers on when searching the internet. You guessed it, or not. Christian dating. Speaking of, my first question about it was: are we supposed to jump straight from brother/sister to fiance then spouse? There are so much teachings, preaching and what not on marriage and/or engagement, but not so much on dating. Or courtship. See, I don’t even know what to call « it », you know, the phase when you are busy assessing each other’s character for suitability. Suitability for marriage it is, because christians are at least not supposed to be in the business of test driving people for sexual chemistry, but the flesh is weak… However, Matthew 26:41 tells you what you are to do so that you will not give in.

  
Back to my,err, concerns. So the NO SEX BEFORE MARRIAGE is a given, I don’t think we should even spend time on that one. But aside from that, there’s not much we, or let’s say I know about the do’s and dont’s of dating while christian. Oh and the « pray about it to know if it’s God’s will »… okayyy. Of course, but can we get practical advice? I have seen somewhere when they tell you to always go out in groups. But… how do I get to know the PERSON if we are always around people? I am in no way saying go lock yourself in a room with beau/bella, because this is recipe for fornication, but how exactly do you expect someone to marry a person they never saw angry? I mean, how do one knows they will not smash their head against a wall or yell at them like they’re somebody’s master or something? What I’m trying to say is, if we are going to get to know each other, let us know the ins and outs. And the ins might never come out if it is always full house around us. Now, about the kissing thing. To kiss or not to kiss? And do not tell me « seek God’s face » or I will scream! And what happens when we encounter problems? Is the counselling thing only for engaged and married couples? It’s confusing ha!lol.

I feel like one of the problems with the dating thing is that it does not exist in the Bible. Man met woman, liked/loved her, then married her. Check the story of Isaac and Rebecca (Genesis 24) or Jacob’s (Genesis 29:17-21), among others. Whereas, instructions for a godly marriage are all found in the Word, therefore pastors, elders and other leaders are equipped to teach, counsel and preach on those things. It is almost like singles are (a little) forgotten in church in the relationship department. I mean, I know singles are to focus on the business of the Lord, but when the desire to marry is in one’s heart, do they expect people to get engaged right after « hello, how are you? » :p. And since more and more youth give their life to Christ, these are the kind of questions that will need answers, because it is the 21st century and we do not wish to marry strangers like they did in ancient times. I’m sure you understand. Nobody wants to find themselves in Jacob’s situation lol! (Genesis 29:23-25).

Feel free to answer, comment, etc.

Publicités

In rehab

Hello everyone!I’m going to open up a little to you today, it might be necessary 🙂

I personally struggle with company.Whatever that means.I loooove being alone;I kind of lost my good manners because my life is happening mostly online. I mean, I’m not even joking when I tell you I have a phone solely for the purpose of my interactions on the internet.I really do not know how to deal with humans (anymore), and as a result I became antisocial.I’d rather be online or in my books than having people over invading my space and everything else.For my defence, I’d say I feel like people don’t know how to receive love;but if I have to be honest, it’s because I’m scared of opening up to (the wrong) people.

But as I am healing, I also want you to start healing. I am not a professional,I just think if I share a good thing or good tips, lol however way you choose to see it, it might help someone else.We never know right?

God did not intend for you to be alone. Broken relationships,hearts,choosing the wrong people over and over did. And sometimes you even end pushing good folks away because you are so hurt,you are in no position to receive them in your life or in your heart.That or you become a quasi recluse like I was…which is pretty much the same thing as the former. In Mt 18:20, it says »for where two or three are gathered in my name,there am I in the midst of them ».There is clearly a power from being, you know, in community. But you have to choose such people carefully. More on this later.

Moreover, it says in Genesis2:18 that « […]it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a help meet for him. » Thus, you were meant to be somebody’s helpmate, not a nun (unless of course it’s what you elect to be,no issue with that lol,but you get what i’m trying to convey here). So please do not let all these disappointments being in friendships or relationships keeps you away from your blessings, basically. Instead,do what you want to do during that time you’re mending your heart:you stopped praying and/or going to church,start praying again and/or going to church,take up that cooking class you always wanted to enrol in,go to the gym get some workout in,volunteer somewhere,etc. I mean DO YOU sister. Get yourself in the right mindset to receive great things and people;and between you and I,God might be the only « man »you need in the time being anyway 😉 until mr Right comes along. And one of the perks of spending time with Him is you’ll know when it’s the right person because your me-time with the most High made you wiser. Don’t believe me?Try it for yourself.
Oh and back to the people you choose to let in. I know it’s easier said than done, but the people you keep around should at least encourage, support you. If you find yourself around so-called friends who tell you things like »you wanna be a millionaire?girl,take several seats! »or « how are you going to be an entrepreneur?!you’ll quit your job, risk everything for a fantasy??this isn’t barbie-world,chick wake up!! », then I am sorry to break it to you but you need new friends as soon as possible. Be around folks that believe in you and your vision and or your dream(s). It’s important you know why? You’ll be able to speak your dreams into existence; the last thing we need here is a lady who choked or was somewhat forced to sit on her dreams and ends up bitter and angry. Need I say how awful that is? Your friends cannot be selling you doubts, insecurities, fears and the likes.In Proverbs 17:17, it says « A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity »; basically your friends are the family you choose (for this precise reason choose them carefully), this is why it may hurt even more when your friends do you wrong… Your biological siblings are there because you know, you had no choice lol! And let’s be honest, as an adult you’ll get to spend more time with friends and significant other more than you do with family/siblings. So you might as well start putting some thought into the people you choose to grant access to spend something so important as your time: YOU WILL NEVER GET IT BACK, think about it. Of course, your man shouldn’t sell you those things either.
This is mainly what I was talking about when I said you may end up pushing good folks away. And I have to say if you’re willing to put your trust in God, He will attract such people to you, you won’t even have to go out looking, they will come to you. I personally know I have such people in my life. One of the reasons I’m so sure of it is… they put up with my antisocial ways LOL! Seriously I’m the kind of friend to go MIA on you for days at the time (for no reason), and I will be a much better friend the day I’m completely out of my « war zone »: that’s the name I gave my antisocial behavior because I know that’s not who I am, it’s rather a defence or protection mechanism. Being an introvert is already weird enough, I do not need to add antisocial on top of it all *rolls eyes*.

Alone can certainly take you places, but together takes you further and faster. Let’s all get out of our comfort zones because that’s where life is, at the end of said comfort zone. Let’s all enjoy life ladies!

P.S: I felt complied to tell you you’re allowed to use the past tense for the second paragraph, because well I’m a work in progress 😉

Lie to me

Loooooong time,no…write lol! This was in my heart and I wanted to share it with you all 🙂

There’s one big lie served to young women in this day and age: you gotta expose/show your body to be (deemed) beautiful.Check your social networks out, you can barely scroll up and down without seeing titties, asses and sometimes whole kitties popping up on your screen. When it’s not body parts which are exposed, you have women adopting VERY suggestive poses or VERY revealing clothing. If those can even be called clothes. And before folks accuse me of pointing fingers, fingers were first and foremost pointed at myself. Yes, I’ve taken half naked pictures and this is how I know… it’s a liiie. You know why?
[Your]physical beauty will fade away while your inner beauty will survive it. But the problem is, in my generation, strippers, escorts, video vixens and other Instagram models are glorified more than entrepreneurs, doctors, pastors, developers, engineers are. I mean, they might get money quicker and sometimes get more than the latter, but I still believe one is better off using their brains, gifts and or talents than their bodies. It’s also comes back to the temporary aspect of the human body.
It’s better to be remembered by one’s personality than by the size of their behind or their breasts. I mean « x:oh,remember Vanessa?y:ya,I talked to her once and she’s very smart » makes me feel better than « that Vanessa chick had some fat ass,bruh! ». And I’m convinced I’m not the only one.
It’s what you have inside that keeps people around you.Or not. Be it in friendships, relationships, or even at work.Your body might have drawn people to you, but it will not keep them.
Proverbs-31-30

And this is the ultimate reason why as women we MUST focus more on our inner beauty:you hold great value before God. In 1Peter3:4 it says, « but let it be the hidden man of the heart,in the incorruptible apparel of a meek and quiet spirit,which is in the sight of God of great price ».Now, I’m in no way saying you should look like a caveman;because let’s be honest here, the first thing people see is your appearance. And there’s nothing wrong with having a nice appearance, it is actually quite the opposite.I’m just saying you shouldn’t be so busy working on your exterior that you forget about what is more important, your inner self. Moreover, for those of you who want to be married, I know you know a pretty face, a fat bum or xxl sized chest will not get you a keeper. Simply because you won’t be in your twenties or thirties forever;that body is wasting away by the minute whereas your inner self is here to stay. Oh and science has its limits. You can butcher your body all you want to look all kinds of good, but at the end, you will still get oooooold. With your character you still have the opportunity to improve, as long as you breathe.
As far as man-woman relationships are concerned,your inner beauty is really what is going to get you wifed. He sees a godly character in you (of course you’re beautiful, don’t get me wrong!),and he’s ready, why wouldn’t he marry you??I sort of said earlier that a woman who’s focused on maintaining and improving her inward beauty is of great price in the eyes of God, but she is also a source of favour from Him for her husband. In Proverbs 18:22, it says « Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of Jehovah ».I don’t see He who finds a bad bitch,a pretty face,etc… And such a woman is also a grace of God:Proverbs19:14 says « House and riches are an inheritance from fathers;but a prudent wife is from Jehovah ».So ladies, let us all be blessings for those around us through our inner character, because quite frankly we won’t even look the same twenty-thirty years from now. And especially because our character might be the only bible some people will ever read.
work_in_progress
I want to encourage you today to aspire to be a woman with a gentle and quiet spirit. My friend was exhorting us one tuesday to be diligent, and as this is not at all an easy process,because at times it means going against our surroundings,I also want to tell you all to work with diligence towards enhancing that character within yourselves.

Why All Men Cheat on Loyal Women – By Kevin Hart

If you’re a heterosexual woman (especially in your 20s), you NEED to read this

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When I confessed to my EX’s questioning of my fidelity over a year ago, all she could say was “wow”. She seemed very taken aback by my answer. So today, when I was asked ‘why men cheat’ by a young lady during a Public Speaking event, I was initial hesitant to share the full conversation me and my EX had about her suspicion of my lack of loyalty.

“Can you tell me why all men cheat on loyal Women?” a curly haired PreMed student asked me today, during my public speak to a room full of 300 Women. My response to her question was,

“Males cheat on loyal women to boost their ego. A woman can be perfect for him. Beautiful, career minded, own money, cooks, does whatever he wants her to do in bed, loyal, intelligent, educated, faithful and yet, he will still cheat on her with an ugly…

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New breed of n*****

Hello world, how have you all been? I’m back with what may sound like a rant. But it really is not. Simply put, black men need to be fathers to the kids they contribute bringing to this world. How can you be able to donate half your DNA but cannot take care of the result?

I don’t know what is going on within other racial groups, but more and more black households are led by single mothers. I mean black guys born in the middle of the 80s to the middle of the 90s clearly need fathers, if we are to judge by their behavior. Negroes (because I do not intend to pay black males a compliment) these days are threatened by an ambitious, smart and educated female. If she has money to add insult to their injury, then it’s downright psychological warfare. And if she dares to open her mouth to voice her opinion (we never want to shut the fuck up right?), she is a bitch. Or a feminist. And anything in between. If some of them had fathers, they would know this is the kind of lady you would love to have by your side; you know the kind that uplifts you, supports you and stuff.

Also these BOYS want to have accommodation, be fed and their laundry done for free. Like kids. They have several personalities, like they say women do. But they want to be with WOMEN. Before getting a woman, y’all will have to learn how to be MEN first. You want a woman but you don’t know how to lead; I’m so sorry about the fact that women nowadays are too stubborn or rebellious or dominant for your liking, but no woman will be submissive to her adoptive son. And for those of you young males who didn’t know, being a dictator is very different from being a leader. Besides how, as a woman, would you expect her to respect you as a (her) man if you act like a female? More so, how do you expect respect if you want a woman to act like a mother to you? Like, excuse my english, but these niggas need to know their role.

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They are confused as to how to be men mostly because they don’t have fathers, or even male/paternal figures to look up to. I believe a woman cannot raise a man, despite her doing her best; they are things that only another male can understand and teach him. So please single moms, even if your son does have males around, make sure they are not bums. Be careful who you bring around him and how you behave towards him and other men as well. I notice that overwhelming mothers raise boys who will grow up to be weak males. And this is where you get abuse, or a guy that can’t seem to stop cheating, to name a few outcomes.

Black men please get involved in your kids’ lives, it will prevent thousands of heartbreaks and I heard it is lifetime love supply. Many (black) women in their 20s thank you all.

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Hellozzz there! I haven’t been around here for a while, mostly because I was going through (major) life changes. One of which being I am now fatherless. Someone I appreciate told me I should find purpose within my loss; everything happens for a reason.

Let us all let my old man rest in peace though. I want to share a random thought with you people today. I believe we as a generation have our priorities mixed up. But for us women, it’s even more complicated because we are torn between our own selves and society standards.

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You see, we are raised to be wives, to please men. I’m sure most of us (even you, gentlemen) have heard older women say ″a man loves a woman who can cook″, ″wear makeup so you can attract handsome educated young men″, and the likes of those. And I think this is where self-esteem issues arise from. We are in competition with everyone else that has a cat (*wink*) because our ultimate goal in life is to be someone’s wife; so if you don’t have a big ass, big titties, Brazilian weave (more so if you do not go nappy), you already go out there disadvantaged. Ladies, the husband you’re trying to have might/will leave you, your degrees, experiences and accomplishments will not. EVER. And have you noticed how men are raised to seek self-accomplishment first? Finding a wife comes LAST. This might be one of the reasons why they can’t lose sleep over the Chanel handbag that they do not have and that the girl next door flaunts under their nose. So why don’t we obsess over getting more money instead of trying to fit into a certain dress instead? We are scared of men seeing us as threat. But I honestly believe that only half men are threatened by boss ladies. I said earlier that women are torn between what they want and society standards: society uses guilt and shame to hold women back. For instance, as a woman you feel like you have to choose between your ambitions and your personal/love life, because you absolutely cannot be superior to men in any way or form. By society standards, a woman cannot be that much ambitious, because then she will not be able to be a wife AND mother. Mind you, some women do not even want to be wives. Or mothers. Or both. But we have plenty of examples to counter argue this, don’t we? Simply put, I think a woman of substance will submit to a leader, you know, someone who actually knows what it means to be a MAN.

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I always say I was not raised like many of you females. Let me elaborate on that. My mother put an emphasis on making me a strong independent person, not a man (or anybody for that matter)’s pleaser or someone’s wife. My ambitions and all that come first, not finding someone. She always told me to have my own, never depend on a man for anything. Maybe this is why I have an issue doing things for someone beside myself… Like I’m not in the business of cooking and cleaning for the person I’m in a relationship with; if you ask any of my exes from the last five years, they will tell you I’m not a woman. I’ve been told soooo many times I will end up single because of what I just mentioned, but I won’t. I am not trying to put up curtains, fix the shower and everything around the house by myself!! I am not with this independent woman fashion trend going on. I was labelled as rebellious and/or stubborn because I am not willing to act as a surrogate mother; sorry mommy didn’t raise me to do that.

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Having someone by your side is great, but I don’t think everything or most of the decisions you make should aim at being someone’s wife. What about what YOU want? Yes, I’m very well aware that women have a time constraint (again back to the torment us versus society), but we are so much more than (future) wives and mothers, ladies. Why not dare aspire to more? However, in my case, I should also try and find some sort of balance, because like I said, I’m not handy.

The hardest job ever

For Best friend or for love?

I’m a little cranky right now; I have been back and forth from my old to my new place with heavy stuff. I haven’t had a single massage on top of it! Maybe you’ll feel that my back is killing me when you read me but bear with me okay?lol.

Please tell me how is it that every time you hear a female cheated on her man with his best friend or even his brother, y’all want to  call her a slut, a whore and the likes of these? I mean, was she having sex by herself? And even if she « seduced » him, wasn’t he the one supposed to say no, given the fact that he is that close to the guy? Why is it that everyone is so ready to pin her to a cross when she is not the only protagonist of the story? Here is a scenario.

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A guy has been with his woman for let’s say two years, and he is been constantly yelling at her, saying hurtful things to her, and she still held him down. However, she goes to the person closest to him (his homeboy) to discuss his behaviour. Well, let’s call it what it is, complaining. So she goes and complains about it all to his best friend talking about she feels disrespected and doesn’t know what’s going on or what to do. What happens next is the homeboy makes her understand that she deserves better, or even overtly expresses it. You know, he might say things like « if I had a woman like you, I would never act like he does towards you », or « I’m gonna talk to him, everything’s gonna be alright ». Whether or not homeboy talks to him and the situation does not get any better, XY now goes to the best friend’s baby boy for comfort, not necessarily to complain. One thing leading to another, she soon finds herself wiping those tears on top of homeboy. Man, listen. It looks to me like you’re the slut for not having been able to keep your woman. Have you sat down and talked things over instead of taking your frustration, guilt, or whatever it was you were feeling out on her, she wouldn’t have cheated and you know it. She did not wake up one morning and decide to cheat on you with your best friend simply because he has that smoking hot body. Unless you’re the type of guy to make a serial fucker your girlfriend.

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I’m not saying she’s right for doing it, but she did your relationship a favor; you will no longer take her for granted, and you will see your homie always wanted that piece of cake for himself. However, you males are not usually dismissing y’all best friends for sleeping with y’all loves. She’s the one to blame; because it’s the nature of a male to go inside every pussy (sorry lol) he can possibly get, isn’t it? May I also remind you that it’s in a female’s nature to go with someone she perceives as superior to her partner? So what you blame her for exactly? Following her… nature? And for the record, your best friend is waaayy cuter than you are. Or hotter. Or richer. Or [insert here].

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I don’t understand the logic behind keeping someone that clearly showed his disloyalty and dishonesty around over the woman you love and who just so happened to have made a (terrible terrible) mistake. Or made a poor decision as you like to put it. Are you guys that easily hurt? Or can’t you take a blow like a…woman?